“An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who shames him is like rottenness in his bones.” Proverbs 12:4
Now if you’re a wife like me you’re very interested in having a most excellent marriage. In our culture divorce is the norm, but we know that God did not intend it to be this way. In order to avoid such a tragedy we must recognize that we are not immune to or above the common ailments of most marriages. Without proper guarding, fortifying our marriages will be subject to cracking at its foundation. I certainly don’t pretend to have figured all of this marriage stuff out yet, but I do know that I have been afforded a healthy, vibrant, albeit young marriage. And I’ll happily share with you what we’re learning & how God has granted success to us amid our failures. This is relevant whether you’re married, engaged, dating, talking (whatever that means 
hehehe), or any step in between. It is the norm for God to call women to be wives. Singleness while a gift for sure (1 Cor 7) would be the exception rather than the rule so to speak. So, here’s our first lesson if you will. We will call it: A Gentle Tongue.
If you’re like me it’s easy to talk too much, and when we do Proverbs assures us that we can’t avoid sin. It takes an insane amount of discipline to reign that tongue in…in fact I am reminded even as I type…that no man can tame the tongue…it is a restless evil full of deadly poison (James 3), just as Proverbs teaches death & life are in the power of the tongue…. We have few more powerful weapons or tools at our disposal than our tongue. We can either use the tongue in our marriages as a weapon to destroyer we can use it as a tool to build up. I prefer the latter, but I am prone to falling into the former if I’m not mindful and alert.
A harsh tongue. How does it happen? Usually when we’re off guard. We don’t see a situation coming. We are not expecting a temptation to sin. We are not mindful. I’ll use a story from my own life. Micah’s first cold. Be forewarned future momma’s that the first time that little one has the sniffles you may be tempted to lose your head with worry and undue concern.
When your little pumpkin catches the sniffles it might send you into a frenzy but be encouraged they will make it thru!
So I found myself in that very situation one Sunday morning 4 hours away from home with my husband & little one. I asked Chris what he thought we should do. I am grinning now because of course what that question really meant was, “I know exactly what we should do. Now, you say precisely what I’m thinking and we’ll be good!” I am a passionate person & in my flesh I boss with the best of em’! This can be a dangerous combination unchecked. Chris is a steady man, a quality I both admire & love….he’s level headed and thinking versus feeling. Chris knew Micah did NOT have a fever & was not having trouble breathing which meant he did NOT need a doctor’s visit. (And yes we called the pediatrician to verify) Chris knew that Micah would have the sniffles whether we rushed home or not. Chris used wisdom & said we should stay right where we were, visiting with family. My tongue was undisciplined in response to this…I just insisted on my way at first. However, after MORE prayer time in the Word that morning, I was able to see the harshness of my own tongue and the wisdom in my husband’s decision.
“By forbearance a ruler may be persuaded, and a soft tongue breaks the bone.” Proverbs 25:15
A gentle tongue prevails. Thankfully when we ask the Lord to give us opportunities to be gracious, He will. I think the scenario above likely came as a result of this very request….but God is so gracious, so redeeming, He loves giving His children multiple chances, usually does so until we get it right consistently in my experience. On Thursday afternoons Chris & I have about an hour or a little more to spend together before we host couples’ Bible study & dinner in our home. On these afternoons I love to curl up on the couch and talk our heads off until company arrives. It’s just good practice to reconnect with your man at the end of a long day, no matter what’s on the agenda. Chris decided to play Warcraft this particular afternoon. He intended to finish up in time to chat a bit but only left a few minutes before our friends arrived. I could have responded with anger, annoyance, irritation, you know the list. BUT instead I responded with grace. In fact, I said NOTHING at all about it, except I mentioned to Chris that I missed our time together…not attacking, not blaming, not condemning, not whining (they hate that by the way ) After Bible study Chris came to me later & said something to the effect of, “I never want to do that again. I want to make sure we always have our family time.” And he hasn’t done it again…we have that precious time everyday as I said before.
Here’s the thing wives & wives to be: sometimes we think we must speak, we must lecture, we must let our opinion be known…when in truth we mustn’t do anything at all. Let the Holy Spirit that lives inside of your husband if he’s a believer lead & guide him. Lest you find yourself trying to play God in his life and that you well know will never work. Instead resign yourself to pray & when you do speak, speak gently, with kindness. Let there be no tearing down, no damage, no sin coming out of your mouth from your tongue. You may not be able to tame the tongue, no man can, but there is a Spirit greater than us and He is able to produce in you the FRUIT that belongs to HIM! Let God do His good work in you & let your tongue speak gently like you have self-control because you in Christ you do!
